pray

I have no idea who reads this, I have no idea if ANYONE reads this...but if you do, please pray. My depression is back with vengence. Getting out of bed in the morning is a huge struggle and than once I am out of bed, the only thing I want to do is go back to bed.

I am sorry to everyone this has effected. If I have recently cancelled a planned coffee date or hang out time...chance are I told you that I wasnt feeling well. When the truth is, I was feeling depressed and not wanting to have to put on an act so I decided it is easier to not go. I apologize.

I feel so alone, yet I see why. Its hard to explain. Why don't I just keep coffee dates, go and hang out with friends and all that jazz. But I just can't.

I have to be strong for so many other people. I have to be viewed as someone who has life all together and viewed as strong for my job. I am young or my job, so I have to prove my maturity...I love my job, don't get me wrong. It is my dream job. But, most other 21 year olds are still out partying or working jobs that require little to no education and here I am in a management position. It scares me somedays. There are days where I wish I could return to MPRC and just go work my shift and be done. NOt have to always be on call, not have to do the paper work and all that jazz but than there is the other 95% of days where not a chance do I want to go back to that kind of a job.

I have been dealing with very high anxiety levels lately. To the point I absolutly dispise being home alone after dark. I think the worst. I can't handle even watching CSI shows or stuff like that without it affecting me for a day or two...

This is life right now, if you read this, please pray for me.