Well today is my final day of work...than I am jobless (for 2 days) and than I start work at my new placement. 2 Gateway homes in Morden! I am so excited. I am not going to miss the threats, the yelling, the scream, the rap music, the police visits and such. I will miss the staff! However, I am so excited for the new houses. My paper work goes way up...from one person to 6 people. I am looking forwards to it!!
I have been incredibly blessed this last week! I have really discovered that I have an amazing boss! To be able to just sit down and be open and honest with her about the struggles I am facing, she has been through the same thing and conquored it very successfully. I love it!
We have our day retreat for youth tomorrow...should be a good time. Showing a video by Mark Driscoll on dating...you should all check his sermons out on the Mars Hill Church website! Incredible!
About Me
- Cassandra
- First off, I am a child of God. One who struggles, yet overcomes. One who feels weary, yet fulfilled. One who deals a lot with finding out who I truely am, yet I am loved!
Friday, January 28, 2011
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
Saturday, January 1, 2011
2011
Well another here has come and gone, and we survived the year 2000 with flying colors. What do I say about this past year...It started off on a hot note...oh Guyana, I miss that hot weather, though it was great spending NYE with people I truely love. So I don't usually make resolutions for the new year, but this year I want to. Not sure why. I need some goals, some purpose to my life. So here we go.
1) Spend at least 5 minutes a day on my treadmill. I know that this does not sound like much, but I have a stupid muscle in my leg that gets really tight when I walk, so I need to start somewhere.
2)To find a new hobby by Febuary that I can participate in during the evenings.
3) To get back into writing. I use to journal, write songs/music/poetry and all that sort of thing. It is a great release.
4) To do and complete a minimum of 1 photo shoot a month
5) To actually follow my reservations.
Please hold me to these....
1) Spend at least 5 minutes a day on my treadmill. I know that this does not sound like much, but I have a stupid muscle in my leg that gets really tight when I walk, so I need to start somewhere.
2)To find a new hobby by Febuary that I can participate in during the evenings.
3) To get back into writing. I use to journal, write songs/music/poetry and all that sort of thing. It is a great release.
4) To do and complete a minimum of 1 photo shoot a month
5) To actually follow my reservations.
Please hold me to these....
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
"Some times the weak becomes the strong"...
Its one of those days. The days that the air has the power to piss me off. I feel alone, bored, and depressed. Work is the most challenging thing ever right now. There are some purposed changes coming up (hopefully) that will make the title of this post come true. However, until than I feel so weak. I feel so drained, so tired, so empty.
This song is on repeat on my ipod right now...it speaks to me...
"Raining Again"-The Illusion of Progress Staind
A Piece Of Glass
In The Sand Under Your Feet
It Cuts You Deep
And Makes You Hate The Beauty
That You See
And You Wonder Where You Are
How You Ever Got So Far
Now You Question What Went Wrong
It's Your Heart
It's Raining Again
There's A Dark Cloud
Over Your Head
It Follows You 'Round
It's Bringing You Down
It's Raining
It's Raining Again
A Wilted Rose
Your Decay Is All You See
You Buy The Flaws
And Miss The Beauty
That Is Yours For Free
Realize You Are So Far
From The Things That Matter Now
And You Only Wonder How
It's Your Heart
It's Raining Again
There's A Dark Cloud
Over Your Head
It Follows You 'Round
It's Bringing You Down
It's Raining
It's Raining Again
Come On
Come On Get It Right
Come On
Come On Make It Right
Come On
Come On It's Alright
It's Raining Again
There's A Dark Cloud
Over Your Head
It Follows You 'Round
It's Bringing You Down
It's Raining
It's Raining Again
It's Raining
Raining Again
There's A Dark Cloud
Over Your Head
This song is on repeat on my ipod right now...it speaks to me...
"Raining Again"-The Illusion of Progress Staind
A Piece Of Glass
In The Sand Under Your Feet
It Cuts You Deep
And Makes You Hate The Beauty
That You See
And You Wonder Where You Are
How You Ever Got So Far
Now You Question What Went Wrong
It's Your Heart
It's Raining Again
There's A Dark Cloud
Over Your Head
It Follows You 'Round
It's Bringing You Down
It's Raining
It's Raining Again
A Wilted Rose
Your Decay Is All You See
You Buy The Flaws
And Miss The Beauty
That Is Yours For Free
Realize You Are So Far
From The Things That Matter Now
And You Only Wonder How
It's Your Heart
It's Raining Again
There's A Dark Cloud
Over Your Head
It Follows You 'Round
It's Bringing You Down
It's Raining
It's Raining Again
Come On
Come On Get It Right
Come On
Come On Make It Right
Come On
Come On It's Alright
It's Raining Again
There's A Dark Cloud
Over Your Head
It Follows You 'Round
It's Bringing You Down
It's Raining
It's Raining Again
It's Raining
Raining Again
There's A Dark Cloud
Over Your Head
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
Autumn
The on fire trees with their red, orange and yellow leaves
the smell of a crisp autumn day
the Russel of fall in the air
Its here.
The last week or so, throughout the depression, anger and pain, I have been able to see God. His beauty is captivated in the changing of the seasons so often and for some reason this fall I see it to its powers. I have had the opportunity to be driving in our area a bit lately and have had the huge blessing to watch the seasons change. From the eye of a photographer, no photograph, no million dollar camera, no photographer with years of experience could capture the beauty of fall. I am left absolutely awe struck with the beauty that God has blessed us with. If this is the beauty we see on earth...What is heaven going to be like?
Thought to ponder...
Cassandra
the smell of a crisp autumn day
the Russel of fall in the air
Its here.
The last week or so, throughout the depression, anger and pain, I have been able to see God. His beauty is captivated in the changing of the seasons so often and for some reason this fall I see it to its powers. I have had the opportunity to be driving in our area a bit lately and have had the huge blessing to watch the seasons change. From the eye of a photographer, no photograph, no million dollar camera, no photographer with years of experience could capture the beauty of fall. I am left absolutely awe struck with the beauty that God has blessed us with. If this is the beauty we see on earth...What is heaven going to be like?
Thought to ponder...
Cassandra
Friday, September 24, 2010
pray
I have no idea who reads this, I have no idea if ANYONE reads this...but if you do, please pray. My depression is back with vengence. Getting out of bed in the morning is a huge struggle and than once I am out of bed, the only thing I want to do is go back to bed.
I am sorry to everyone this has effected. If I have recently cancelled a planned coffee date or hang out time...chance are I told you that I wasnt feeling well. When the truth is, I was feeling depressed and not wanting to have to put on an act so I decided it is easier to not go. I apologize.
I feel so alone, yet I see why. Its hard to explain. Why don't I just keep coffee dates, go and hang out with friends and all that jazz. But I just can't.
I have to be strong for so many other people. I have to be viewed as someone who has life all together and viewed as strong for my job. I am young or my job, so I have to prove my maturity...I love my job, don't get me wrong. It is my dream job. But, most other 21 year olds are still out partying or working jobs that require little to no education and here I am in a management position. It scares me somedays. There are days where I wish I could return to MPRC and just go work my shift and be done. NOt have to always be on call, not have to do the paper work and all that jazz but than there is the other 95% of days where not a chance do I want to go back to that kind of a job.
I have been dealing with very high anxiety levels lately. To the point I absolutly dispise being home alone after dark. I think the worst. I can't handle even watching CSI shows or stuff like that without it affecting me for a day or two...
This is life right now, if you read this, please pray for me.
I am sorry to everyone this has effected. If I have recently cancelled a planned coffee date or hang out time...chance are I told you that I wasnt feeling well. When the truth is, I was feeling depressed and not wanting to have to put on an act so I decided it is easier to not go. I apologize.
I feel so alone, yet I see why. Its hard to explain. Why don't I just keep coffee dates, go and hang out with friends and all that jazz. But I just can't.
I have to be strong for so many other people. I have to be viewed as someone who has life all together and viewed as strong for my job. I am young or my job, so I have to prove my maturity...I love my job, don't get me wrong. It is my dream job. But, most other 21 year olds are still out partying or working jobs that require little to no education and here I am in a management position. It scares me somedays. There are days where I wish I could return to MPRC and just go work my shift and be done. NOt have to always be on call, not have to do the paper work and all that jazz but than there is the other 95% of days where not a chance do I want to go back to that kind of a job.
I have been dealing with very high anxiety levels lately. To the point I absolutly dispise being home alone after dark. I think the worst. I can't handle even watching CSI shows or stuff like that without it affecting me for a day or two...
This is life right now, if you read this, please pray for me.
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
Update
A few thoughts from my brain...
This is the first year in 16 years that I havent been going back to school.What a weird feeling. I miss it in a way. I miss the friendships. I often feel so lonely here in morden, my old friends have seemed to move on in life and that is understandable but it still sucks.
Cory and I are leading youth in Manitou this year. It gets me thinking about my experiences in youth and I severly miss those days. My relationship with Jason and Traci among other youth leaders. The support I felt from them got me through so much and I pray I can pass that support on to the youth I support.
My depression is up and down lately...It is tough not to have a lot of people to talk to about it. I miss the late night dorm talks, the late night walks and such.
Ho Hum!
HOwever, I love my husband so much. He has been my rock so much lately. Starting a new job has been so challenging and he has been simply amazing. I wish I could show him how much I truely appriciate him!
This is the first year in 16 years that I havent been going back to school.What a weird feeling. I miss it in a way. I miss the friendships. I often feel so lonely here in morden, my old friends have seemed to move on in life and that is understandable but it still sucks.
Cory and I are leading youth in Manitou this year. It gets me thinking about my experiences in youth and I severly miss those days. My relationship with Jason and Traci among other youth leaders. The support I felt from them got me through so much and I pray I can pass that support on to the youth I support.
My depression is up and down lately...It is tough not to have a lot of people to talk to about it. I miss the late night dorm talks, the late night walks and such.
Ho Hum!
HOwever, I love my husband so much. He has been my rock so much lately. Starting a new job has been so challenging and he has been simply amazing. I wish I could show him how much I truely appriciate him!
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